October 18, 2012

Best Craigslist Ad Ever

I came across this ad on craigslist titled "Green Machine in Excellent Condition". It got me curious so I checked it out. Turns out the ad is for a 2012 Yamaha Filano, which is not something I would usually consider buying, ever.
The best part though, was the description or rather the essay about the scooter. It is lengthy but it's worth reading it. I swear, after reading it, even I thought it would be a good idea buying the scooter!

Here it is:

Do you ever picture a life in which you weren't constantly rejected by taxi drivers that are "at the end of their shift" or are too afraid to take a fare because their car might shrink in the rain? Are you worried one of these days that motorcycle taxi is going to finally get your knee clipped sending you flying through oncoming traffic just because he had too many energy drinks? Would you like to put an end to those hectic skytrain rides during rush hour where otherwise innocent little old ladies turn into death machines of flying elbows?

Look no further because those days are behind you, replaced with peaceful cruises through Bangkok traffic with fresh air in your hair and the power of two dimensional travel a reality within your hands. Now you can flow through sois (small streets, O.R..) like hot butter through a hair net, carrying whatever, whenever, and where-ever you want (provided it's under 10kg), with the surefooted-ness of a mountain goat climbing the Empire State building (i.e wide tires).

The Green Machine (aka 2012 Yamaha Filano) propels you in total luxury with a full 110cc engine, plenty of space to stow bottles for those late night beer runs to 7/11, and a universal hook proven to work effectively for anything that's universally hook-able. You'll zig and zag with full peace of mind knowing the upgraded protection bars are giving you a full 2 cm of additional solid metal protection between you and car doors that seem to jump to life as you pass far too close than you would in any other country (note: protection bars are decorative only).

Ownership of this level of luxury also includes membership to the "safety conscious" helmet club with a matching "head dome" customized to fit no less than 43% of the population. A rugged chin strap further ensures your safety and leaves you with a sense of pride as you spend the next 2 hours with the impression of a chin-sized candy corn below your mouth.

Are you ready to tame the beast? Thus far the Green Machine has been the partner of only one man, able to harness it's power without a single mishap. Full legal documentation will make you smile with pride as if you just adopted a Cabbage Patch kid. The Green Machine has it's full life ahead of it with only 135 kms used mostly to maintain it's incredible trim figure. The control panel features a speedometer so you know how slow those other idiots are going when you fly past them, a gas gauge that goes all the way to "F" for freakin' awesome, and a comical image of a gas pump that will provide hours of amusement for you and the ladies (caution: likely get you some action).

Now you can be a part of the Green Machine dream and take over full ownership with 2 years of insurance including theft. This beast has every dealer upgrade available to make sure you feel like an emperor atop your noble steed. Heads will turn and ladies will flock to see the mystery man (or girl, or some variation in between) that arrives on such a proudly presented magic carpet with 2 wheels.

I guarantee the Green Machine will be the most fun you will ever have on 2 wheels or I'll personally send you an email with the words "SORRY MATE" in all caps which you can use to gloat about for hours of self-satisfied narcissistic behavior.

Now you're thinking to yourself, there is no way this kind of lifestyle is within the grasp of the average man with 55,000+ Thai baht in his hand. Wrong. I'm writing this to tell you it can be yours for just 45,000 Thai baht. That's more than 10,000 THB less than sticker price and with only 135 kms of accident free usage. That means the money you save can be used to start an OJ stand in an MRT station or a DVD outlet under a pedestrian bridge. Not only are you getting the best ride of your life, a loyal friend you can share all your secrets with, and the freedom of knowing you decide when you leave the bar; you're also getting a potential career!

Changing your life starts with one email. Get that out of the way and then drop me a line to get started on your Green Dream today. 

If you feel tempted like I was, go ahead and buy the thing! 

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